We’ve all been there.
You go out intending to have “a couple of quiet drinks.”
Then somebody buys a round.
Then somebody else buys a round.
Then karaoke suddenly seems like an excellent idea.
At some point you’re passionately explaining to a complete stranger why Mr Brightside is one of the greatest musical achievements in human history.
Fast-forward eight hours.
You wake up.
Your mouth feels like somebody has carpeted it.
There’s a drummer practising inside your skull.
Your phone battery is on 3%.
And for reasons nobody can adequately explain, there’s a traffic cone in your hallway.
Welcome to the hangover.
Unfortunately, science has yet to produce the magical pill that allows you to drink twelve pints and wake up at 7am ready for a half-marathon.
But there are sensible things you can do to reduce your chances of spending Sunday morning bargaining with a higher power.
Here are our favourites.
1. The Revolutionary Technique: Don’t Drink Quite So Much
We appreciate this isn’t the groundbreaking advice you came here for.
You were probably hoping for:
“Eat three pickled onions while facing north and you’ll be immune to hangovers.”
Sadly, alcohol doesn’t work like that.
The amount you drink is one of the biggest factors determining whether tomorrow morning will be pleasant or whether opening the curtains feels like staring directly into the sun.
UK guidance recommends that adults who drink regularly should not exceed 14 units per week, ideally spread across three or more days rather than saved up for one heroic Saturday evening.
You can read the official guidance here: NHS alcohol advice
We’re not suggesting you have to sit in the pub with a calculator.
But there is a noticeable difference between:
“That was a nice night.”
and
“Why is there a kebab in my coat pocket?”
Know when you’ve reached the first one.
2. Eat Before You Start Drinking
Going drinking on an empty stomach is a bit like entering the Grand National on a shopping trolley.
You’re making things unnecessarily difficult for yourself.
Having a proper meal before you start drinking slows the absorption of alcohol and generally makes for a much more sensible evening.
That doesn’t mean eating three crisps somebody left on the table.
Have some actual food.
Something containing carbohydrates, protein and a bit of fat is considerably more useful than announcing:
“I’ll get something from the takeaway later.”
Because “later” frequently becomes 1:17am, when apparently six chicken nuggets constitute a balanced diet.
3. Meet Your New Best Friend: Water
Water isn’t glamorous.
Nobody has ever walked into a bar shouting:
“LARGE TAP WATER PLEASE, AND MAKE IT A DOUBLE!”
But your body will appreciate it.
Alcohol can increase urination, contributing to fluid loss. Mild dehydration can contribute to classic hangover symptoms including thirst, fatigue and headaches. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: Hangovers
An incredibly simple strategy is therefore:
Alcoholic drink → water → alcoholic drink → water.
You don’t necessarily need a pint of water between every drink.
Just drink some regularly.
It has another advantage too: while you’re drinking water, you’re temporarily not drinking alcohol.
Your liver will be delighted with this innovative development.
4. Don’t Treat Drinking Like an Olympic Event
Nobody wins because they finished their pint first.
There is no medal ceremony.
The bartender will not play the national anthem.
And nobody from Team GB is taking notes.
Slow down.
Enjoy your drink.
Talk to people.
Have a laugh.
If you’ve bought a decent pint of beer, actually taste it rather than attempting to inhale it.
Drinking more slowly naturally gives you more time between alcoholic drinks and makes it easier to notice when you’ve probably had enough.
You can even put the glass down occasionally.
Revolutionary stuff.
5. Beware the Mysterious Late-Night Round
It’s 11:20pm.
You’ve had a perfectly enjoyable evening.
You’ve reached exactly the right level.
Then somebody says the most dangerous five words in the English language:
“Shall we get another one?”
This is the moment careers are made.
You have two choices.
Option A
“No thanks, I’m alright.”
You wake up tomorrow feeling relatively human.
Option B
“Go on then.”
Two hours later you’re eating garlic bread on a pavement and telling your taxi driver about your childhood.
Choose wisely.
6. Give Your Stomach a Fighting Chance
Alcohol can irritate the stomach and digestive system, which is one reason a heavy night can sometimes leave your stomach feeling distinctly unimpressed the following morning.
Eating sensibly, drinking water and avoiding excessive amounts of alcohol are far more important than any supplement.
However, if looking after your digestive system is already part of your normal routine, GutRevive is a gastrointestinal support formula from NutraNerds containing probiotic cultures including Lactobacillus acidophilus and Bifidobacterium bifidus, alongside zinc and botanical ingredients.
Important bit:
GutRevive is not a hangover cure.
Sadly, taking a capsule does not grant you immunity from seven pints, three tequilas and something fluorescent that your mate described as “actually quite nice.”
Think supporting your normal digestive routine, not acquiring a biological cheat code.
7. Get Some Sleep
Here’s another sophisticated scientific breakthrough:
Going to bed at 4am and getting four hours’ sleep can make you feel tired.
Who knew?
Alcohol can disrupt normal sleep quality, which is part of the reason you can technically spend eight hours in bed and still wake up feeling like you haven’t slept since 2007.
Once you’re home:
- Have some water.
- Stop scrolling through photographs from the evening.
- Do not send your ex a message.
- Put your phone down.
- Go to sleep.
The message you are currently composing beginning “I’ve been thinking…” can definitely wait until morning.
8. Don’t Believe in the “Hair of the Dog”
The phrase “hair of the dog” refers to having another alcoholic drink the following morning to supposedly cure your hangover.
A Bloody Mary.
A pint.
A cheeky mimosa.
Or, for the truly committed, whatever mysterious drink was left unfinished beside the bed.
It may temporarily change how you feel, but it doesn’t cure a hangover.
According to alcohol researchers, there isn’t a scientifically proven instant hangover cure — ultimately your body needs time to recover. NIAAA guide to hangovers
So rather than opening another beer at 9am, try something slightly more conventional.
Like water.
9. The Morning After: Operation Rebuild
Despite your best efforts, you’ve woken up feeling dreadful.
First:
Don’t panic.
You are probably not dying.
You merely made some questionable decisions approximately ten hours ago.
Start With Water
Have a drink.
If your stomach isn’t delighted by that idea, start with small sips.
Alcohol-related dehydration can contribute to thirst, dizziness, tiredness and headaches.
Eat Something
If you can face food, have something relatively simple.
Toast.
Bananas.
Eggs.
Fruit.
Something that resembles breakfast rather than the remaining half of last night’s pepperoni pizza.
Although we’re realistic.
The pizza is definitely getting eaten.
Rest
Your great plan to reorganise the garage at 8am is cancelled.
Today is about survival.
Put something terrible on television.
Close the curtains.
Find the sofa.
Become one with the cushions.
Things That Probably Won’t Magically Cure Your Hangover
Human beings have spent centuries inventing hangover cures.
Unfortunately, most of them fall somewhere between “not particularly convincing” and “absolutely deranged.”
These have included:
- Raw eggs
- Pickle juice
- Extremely strong coffee
- More alcohol
- Strange herbal concoctions
- Greasy breakfasts large enough to feed a rugby team
- Standing in a freezing shower questioning every decision you’ve ever made
Some might make you feel better.
Some definitely won’t.
And coffee may make you feel more awake while still being completely hungover, which essentially means you’re now more alert to how dreadful you feel.
Congratulations.
So, What Is the Best Way to Avoid a Hangover?
Here’s the irritating answer.
There is no guaranteed trick.
No secret drink.
No miracle tablet.
No ancient Liverpool remedy involving gravy and Lucozade.
The most reliable approach is simply to drink less alcohol.
After that, the sensible strategies are:
- Eat before drinking.
- Pace yourself.
- Have water throughout the evening.
- Don’t keep drinking just because someone else bought another round.
- Know when you’ve had enough.
- Get some sleep.
- Rehydrate the following morning.
The NHS recommends staying within 14 units of alcohol per week on a regular basis, spread across three or more days if you drink that amount. NHS guidance on alcohol units
The Stamps Bar Hangover Prevention Plan
So the next time you’re enjoying a night out at Stamps Bar in Crosby, remember our scientifically sophisticated five-stage programme:
Step 1: Have some food.
Step 2: Enjoy your beer.
Step 3: Have some water occasionally.
Step 4: Ignore the person shouting “SHOTS!”
Step 5: Go home while you can still remember where you live.
Will you follow this advice?
Probably not.
Will you remember this article tomorrow morning while lying completely motionless and promising never to drink again?
Almost certainly.
And we’ll see you next weekend.
Cheers from everyone at Stamps Bar. 🍻
Please drink responsibly. If you’re worried about your alcohol consumption, information and support is available through the NHS.